Activism

What is activism? I thought a lot about what it is and my answer is simple. Activism is doing something that creates change. I belong to several activist groups and have worked as an activist for several causes. The long and short of it was simply being involved. Activism is not giving up. Believing in tomorrow. Believing there is a better way to be and working towards making that happen.

My fiance always tells me my "dollars are votes." We make a point to buy groceries that support specific interests and beliefs that align with our life. In this way, I am an activist when I grocery shop!

I've gotten on board with the whole Grow Food, Not Lawns campaign and planted a garden.

In these two areas I have managed to create change and actually make a difference. Often I hear the complaint about how one person won't change the world, but I disagree. My whole world has been changed by one person many times over. Like the film Half The Sky even pointed out: One person may not change the world, but the world can be changed for one person.

The Stupidity of the Penis

Ok first of all, who threatens to run for president? I mean, what kind of person threatens that? Secondly, why are men so freaking dumb?! We got A&F CEO Mike Jeffries hating fat people. We got Donald Trump being a douche and threatening to run for office. We got Fred Phelps doing whatever malicious bullshit he's doing. We got Republican Representative Louie Gohmert of Texas telling women they can't have abortions even if the fetus is brain dead. I mean come on people. Have you lost your minds? Oh wait. They're all men. Hmm.... What the hell is going on here? And clearly Trump does not understand that men are victims of rape also.
I just had a Glee marathon and in one of the episodes a male character talked about being molested when he was younger by his babysitter -- an older woman. I was very disappointed how Glee handled the situation. The other teenage male characters chastised him for his experience and told him he should be proud. Regardless, my point is that being a man doesn't make you immune to rape. It does, however, make you more fearful and ashamed to come forward about it.

Women are lucky in that we don't have our masculinity built up and told it's the greatest thing ever. For a man, rape takes his masculinity away and can challenge his sexuality beliefs. I'm not saying these things don't happen for women. Women are extremely traumatized (especially service women).

I identify with the women in The Invisible War and everywhere else who feel that the actual incident wasn't nearly as bad as the treatment they received afterward. Now, I'm not a victim of MST, but I am a survivor of sexual assault. The things my "friends" put me through afterward were much worse than anything he did to me.

Ok, back to the point. If I had a chance to "talk" to Donald Trump, I wouldn't. Honest to <insert deity> I would punch him in the face. Period.

This week has been very triggering for me and I'll be damned if I have to hear another man discount or invalidate women.

P.S.
I would like to amend my earlier statement at the beginning of the quarter in which I said I do not consider myself a feminist. I wholeheartedly retract and amend the previous ignorant statement. You bet your ass I'm a mother fucking feminist! The world better prepare itself.

Unexpected

The above photo quotes a world statistic. Regardless, this is still poignant and relevant. This week, we listened to This American Life's episode about an African American woman named Barbara living in the projects in Chicago. It aired on October 15, 1999. Barbara shares her live with listeners to give people some insight into the life of a single mother raising kids in the projects.

Barbara is attempting to challenge the conventional idea of what it means to be a African American, inner-city, single mother. She works hard to ensure her children have a good education. She even takes one of her children to school daily just so he'll go to school. She does not fit the stereotype. However, even with support, Barbara's only son may not finish high school.

I saw this online. It's in Barbara's hometown. Perhaps her grandchildren will be affected by it and break the cycle. It seems that, like stereotypes go, that since Barbara had Angie at 15 and then Angie had kids, so too must Barbara's son.

Again, when we globalize this...

Sorry it's so small. The point is that even within American borders we have pockets of "third world" lives.

This talks about some depressing data in Philadelphia.

This is a depressing, yet relevant map. You can even type in your hometown! 

So what is a "living wage"? "A living wage ordinance requires employers to pay wages above federal or state minimum wage levels." Um, why aren't federal and state minimum wage levels livable wages? It seems to me like there's a problem with minimum wage if it's unable to be lived on... 

Being a Good Mother

What makes a good mother? This is not a question easily answered because, like Backstory says, the definition of a "good mother" is constantly changing. "This is a lonely country." Because we spread out, we don't have the village to help us raise families. We're doing it on our own.

It's Mother's Day and I don't have a "mom" that I call. I have multiple motherly figures, but I do not have a relationship with my biological mother.I created my own village. I surrounded myself with non-relational women, sort of a kinship network, to effectively design my own village. Much like the way elephants have maternal family units.

I think this picture says what it means to be a good mother:

In Harlem Renaissance, we listen to another way parents are providing for their children. I think this also makes for a good mother.

It was once believed that:

In 1985, The Eurythmics said: 

Now there was a time,

when they used to say,

that behind ev'ry great man,

there had to be a great woman.

But oh, in these times of change,

you know that it's no longer true.

So we're comin' out the kitchen,

cause there's something we forgot to say to you.

We say, Sisters are doin' it for themselves.

What you'll truly notice is that we've been doing it all along. I just think that now we want credit and help. The division of labor strongly lacked equality when we moved out of agriculture and into industrialism. The men, typically, left the homes and the farms to provide money (once goods became less obtainable at home) to purchase what once was created at home or nearby. This left the women at home to tend the children and run the house. And this is the ideal that we have continued to set up. A career is a reflection on him, but the home is a reflection on her. We still hold this value that regardless of her activities, work, personal, or other, she must have the home kept up and the children maintained. She is the one admonished for not knowing about her children. And other she is her biggest critic. 

I'm not a parent, but I have parented. I know that our culture does not instill confidence in women. We agonize over decisions, like whether or not to adopt a hellion of a child. Personally, I don't see men dealing with these struggles.

Planning is Power!

After watching Frontline: Abortion Clinic and reading the article Bringing Abortion Back to Wichita by A. Robb (Ms. Magazine, Winter 2013 p.12-13), I was a little shocked that such behaviors still exist. I grew up in Seattle, WA. This is a pro-sex, pro-choice, relatively healthy sexuality environment. The only protesting I ever really saw were the Broadway college kids arguing about who knows what. There was no one advocating for women's rights to be taken away. No one saying an abortion makes you a murderer.

The first time I went to Colorado, I drove past a church with blue and pink crosses covering their lawn. It took me a minute to realize this was for abortions. A couple weeks ago, my fiance exclaimed that he was astonished Planned Parenthood advertised the way they do where we live (which is about an hour away from Focus on the Family).

The Frontline documentary is a little outdated, though I now know this behavior still exists. One of the maps showed me that Colorado, while not being the worst state, still lacks many of the privileges I took for granted living in Washington.

Personally, I love Planned Parenthood. I couldn't imagine living in a country that doesn't provide services the way ours does. When I read the article For the Price of a Pad by L. Villarosa (Ms. Magazine, Spring/Summer 2012, p. 40-42), I was blown away. I did not realize that having ones' period could be such a devastating thing in a girls' life.

I am both saddened and enraged by the  ignorance of others and the unwilingness to educate onesself. The pictures and props that one pastor had are actually false. 10 week old fetuses do not look like people, but rather alien creatures beginning to resemble people. Of course, this was the 80s, so what did he know?

Gloria Steinham was right. "If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament!"

Real Beauty - Take Two

In my experiences, men are just as, if not more, insecure as women. Their bravado about their appearance is a direct result of culture. How many times have we heard how men fear that the woman they are interested in is "out of their league"?

Now, as a woman, I have never wondered if someone is out of my league. However, my fiance has expressed insecurities about not being good enough for me.

Men, too, are told what to look like. They must be a certain height, weight, and have a long/thick penis in order to be attractive. This is true in both heterosexual and homosexual culture. The rigidity for male attractiveness is strict. When you look at people who are transgender, who want to appear like a different gender than that which they were assigned according to their sex at birth, the stereotyping for attractiveness is obvious.

If one were to look at the world on a scale where all men must meet the ideal (which we'll call Brad Pitt) and all women must meet the ideal (Angelina Jolie), then none of us fit that and we're all left wanting.

We know women come in all shapes and sizes, but we leave little room for men. Men are just as judged by their appearance. Our society tells us that men aren't, that they have it easier. Anyone who has ever lived with a brother or son going through puberty, especially after his other brothers or friends have already started, knows the challenges associated with this.

Thus, I would call my campaign Real Beauty. I would not change the gender of the sketch artist because I know that men are more comfortable around other men than they are women. They can be themselves. The take home message would remain the same also. You, as a person, regardless of your gender or the expectations of others around you, are beautiful.

The reason campaigns towards men don't exist is because the administrators of government, corporations, etc. are men and disclosing fears about self-worth isn't acceptable for men. It is assumed that men are fine. They have it all. But I've never dated Brad Pitt and I'm certainly no Angelina Jolie. My fiance is beautiful to me and when I try to look at myself through his eyes, I see his Angelina standing in the mirror.


Note:
I spent ALL week struggling to answer this question because my initial reaction was that which my culture has taught: Men are fine. They don't need confidence boosting. Except, I know this isn't true.

Real Beauty

I was moved and angered by this film. To me, it seems entirely the same as Born Into Brothels. Ashley is purely insane. However, like an older model stated, is it her fault? She perpetuates the very thing she hates. It is and addiction. And she both feeds and guards it fiercely.

Why is there no translator for these girls? The adults charged with the care and protection of these children are rapign and exploiting these children without even explaining things to the parents. For what? Money? The Japanese man who owns Switch is... 40?! I mean, come on. How is this not a problem?

I wonder... like in The Cove, if people really knew what went on, would we be as interested?

I have always used Dove and I was quite excited when they began their Real Beauty campaign. I have struggled with an eating disorder from the age of 11 on when my only friend told me I was fat and needed a bra. I am not the "ideal size." I wear a size 14. I'm short. I'm "technically" overweight according to charts written in the 50s.  I identify with the author when she stated," to see a body that didn't look like every other nude body - all of which seemed to adhere to some unspoken but incredibly specific set of parameters, leaving the impression that "normal" bodies all look remarkably alike - was sort of revolutionary."

After watching this: My Reflection, I am again made acutely aware of how I see myself. Then there's films like this: Dying to be Thin that make me remember.

Beauty is so skewed here. Tan skin is actually a sign of ill health. Blue eyes are a genetic defect and are more likely to have problems. Humans are supposed to have brown eyes. We cover ourselves with chemicals to fix "defects" that are natural proponents of being human. I too am a cog in the machine that both lives by and perpetuates this false idea of beauty. What's so amazing is that while we strive to be tan, people who have our ideal skin color strive to look like us! No one is happy as they are! At least, according to advertising.

But here's the real problem: The REAL meaning. My friends think it's cute, the way a puppy looks at you for attention, that I find women with wrinkles, speckled hair, visible age attractive, hell, downright gorgeous. Why is it that age is so shunned now? Wisdom, experience, and life come with age. And yeah, we can all argue that people who are older aren't necessarily wise... That aside, being human is fantastic!

One of my friends confided in me that she spent most of her life changing herself to be the perfect <insert whatever>. I tried, gosh I tried so hard, but I never came close enough. I was too <insert whatever> for folks.

Now, I'm 26. Am I 100% happy with my body? No. But I don't hate myself. I stopped shaving my legs every other day and started focusing on making myself feel good for myself. My fiance loves me as me. He could care less. My friends think I'm beautiful. So, what's up? Why don't I see it? I've spent this year really focusing on seeing myself through their eyes. A sort of "fake it till you make it" ploy to help retrain my eyes to see the truth rather that the perpetuated stereotype.

Also, the Killing Us Softly series.
The effects of advertising can be seen here. I know this is extreme, but how many people get close to here? My friend's sister died of an eating disorder.

Sorry, this turned into something more than modeling. /rant