Being a Good Mother

What makes a good mother? This is not a question easily answered because, like Backstory says, the definition of a "good mother" is constantly changing. "This is a lonely country." Because we spread out, we don't have the village to help us raise families. We're doing it on our own.

It's Mother's Day and I don't have a "mom" that I call. I have multiple motherly figures, but I do not have a relationship with my biological mother.I created my own village. I surrounded myself with non-relational women, sort of a kinship network, to effectively design my own village. Much like the way elephants have maternal family units.

I think this picture says what it means to be a good mother:

In Harlem Renaissance, we listen to another way parents are providing for their children. I think this also makes for a good mother.

It was once believed that:

In 1985, The Eurythmics said: 

Now there was a time,

when they used to say,

that behind ev'ry great man,

there had to be a great woman.

But oh, in these times of change,

you know that it's no longer true.

So we're comin' out the kitchen,

cause there's something we forgot to say to you.

We say, Sisters are doin' it for themselves.

What you'll truly notice is that we've been doing it all along. I just think that now we want credit and help. The division of labor strongly lacked equality when we moved out of agriculture and into industrialism. The men, typically, left the homes and the farms to provide money (once goods became less obtainable at home) to purchase what once was created at home or nearby. This left the women at home to tend the children and run the house. And this is the ideal that we have continued to set up. A career is a reflection on him, but the home is a reflection on her. We still hold this value that regardless of her activities, work, personal, or other, she must have the home kept up and the children maintained. She is the one admonished for not knowing about her children. And other she is her biggest critic. 

I'm not a parent, but I have parented. I know that our culture does not instill confidence in women. We agonize over decisions, like whether or not to adopt a hellion of a child. Personally, I don't see men dealing with these struggles.